God Is Here. God Is Everywhere.

Abba Doulas, the  disciple  of Abba  Bessarion said, 'One   day when  we  were walking beside the sea I was thirsty and I said to Abba Bessarion, "Father, I am very  thirsty." He said a prayer  and said to  me,  "Drink some of  the sea water." The water proved sweet when I drank  some.  I even  poured some into a leather bottle for  fear of being thirsty later  on. Seeing this, the old  man asked me why I was taking some. I said to him, "Forgive  me, it is for fear of being  thirsty   later on."  Then  the old  man  said,  "God is here.   God is  everywhere." '

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There are times--not many of them, because of my sinfulness, but they do occasionally occur--when I am struck by my own lack of faith.  Like Abba Bessarion's disciple, I am very thirsty...but, despising the words of the Lord which tell me, "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day" (Matt. XI:34), I go about my business, busying myself like a bee, collecting that which I can.  I make plans.  I attempt to forsee and plan for the future.

I do not trust God.

And, what is worse, when my own plans fall apart, for whatever the cause, I cannot just accept it and move on.  I react.  I get angry, I get impatient, and I become hurtful to others (especially those that love me).  I fall into despair and become despondent.  I resent.  I resent the fact that the universe will not bend to my will, I resent that I have to start all over with my plans and schemes and plots for the future.  I have no inner stillness, whatsoever.

And this is what it boils down to: I do not trust God.  I want to.  I love (or, at least I want to think I do) the Lord.  Unfortunately, it is all too obvious that I love myself and my precious plans much more.  Would that I could see, more often, how true it is that "God is here.  God is everywhere."  Perhaps, becuase this is Holy Friday, I feel the poignantcy of this.  God is here.  God is with us, He that is before the ages.  And today, He is crucified that I might be free from the curse of death.  Today, there is enough trouble and woe--because I crucified Christ.  By refusing to trust Him, by trying to act as if He were not the King before the ages, I cry out with the Jews: Crucify Him, Crucify Him! in my heart.

Lord, have mercy upon Thy wretched and unworthy servant.

A Saying from the Desert Fathers

Abba Ammonas was asked, 'What is the "narrow and hard way?" (Mt. 7.14) He replied, 'The "narrow and hard way" is this, to control your thoughts, and to strip yourself of your own will, for the sake of God. This is also the meaning of the sentence, "Lo, we have left everything and followed you." (Mt. 19.27)

A Thought on Tempting Thoughts

"A brother asked one of the Fathers, "What shall I do? My thoughts are always turned to lust without allowing me an hour's respite, and my soul is tormented by it." He said to him, "Every time the demons suggest these thoughts to you, do not argue with them. For the activity of demons always is to suggest, and suggestions are not sins, for they cannot compel; but it rests with you to welcome them, or not to welcome them. Do you know what the Midianites did? They adorned their daughters and presented them to the Israelites. They did not compel anyone, but those who consented, sinned with them, while the others were enraged and put them to death. It is the same with thoughts."

The brother answered the old man, "What shall I do, then, for I am weak and passion overcomes me?" He said to him, "Watch your thoughts, and every time they begin to say something to you, do not answer them but rise and pray; kneel down, saying, 'Son of God, have mercy on me.'" - Anonymous Desert Father

A Saying from the Desert Fathers

Abba Poemen said of Abba John the Dwarf that he had prayed God to take his passions away from him so that he might become free from care. He went and told an old man this; 'I find myself in peace, without an enemy,' he said. The old man said to him, 'Go beseech God to stir up warfare so that you may regain the affliction and humility that you used to have, for it is by warfare that the soul makes progress.' So he besought God and when warfare came, he no longer prayed that it might be taken away, but said, 'Lord, give me strength for the fight.'